Worried about your AB desires? The (pink) elephant in the room
Updated: Feb 5
You play, dance and have fun and you also relax and unwind in my space. The majority of you who come to me. Some have a different approach. Some don't want to come to me necessarily to enjoy spending time in baby space, but to be able to get rid of that desire.
My job as a professional AB carer is not to push you into little space or out of it. Instead, I listen to you, understand your needs, and accompany you on your journey.
Yes, ABDL can give you great satisfaction, but it can also create a lot of contradictory feelings for many of you. Guilt and shame are the most common.
Wanting something that is socially seen as abhorrent by mainstream society is not easy to acknowledge. But you don't choose what you want. You never get to choose what you want.
You choose what you do, and some of you choose to come to be as a way to face those unwanted feelings.
The same way you don't choose what you want, you can't choose your thoughts. Our thoughts come and go, we are not what we think, and we do not need to act on every thought we have. But the mind has a lot of ways of its own!
You know when you have a thought that you don't want to think about because it makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty... emm... you know what happens. It just grows and gets more persistent!
You might have heard of the "pink elephant" exercise. This is like I ask you to think for the next minute in anything you want, except of a pink elephant!
Ready to try?
Then it's really challenging not to think of a pink elephant!
In psychology, this phenomenon is known as the “ironic process theory,” whereby deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts actually make them more likely to surface!
Ironic process theory was first studied in 1987. It was found that the inability to inhibit certain thoughts could be worsened during times of stress in people who were prone to anxiety or obsessive thoughts. For some people, ironic mental processes result in intrusive thoughts about doing something immoral or out of character, which can be really disturbing for some people.
And I can observe that a similar process can happen with desires. The more that desire is repressed, the more present it becomes in people's minds, where it grows stronger.
Thoughts and desires of being little, being a baby again, spending time in little space and wearing baby clothing don't necessarily become obsessive in people who are comfortable with them. They don't need to create a negative impact on your mind. But if you are uncomfortable or feel worried or scared of those thoughts...that is fuel for those thoughts! Those ideas can get fed by your own fear and discomfort and become more persistent and come more often and get stronger.
You may choose to do something to 'distract' yourself from those thoughts, like watching a movie, spending time with friends, etc. But the persistent uncomfortable feelings are waiting for you around the corner. There are some people who continue to look for distractions with more or less success, or they simply choose to act on them, not fully comfortable with them, starting a cycle of buying ABDL stuff --dressing up --feeling guilty --throw it away -- repeat.
Of course if you have obsessive and persistent thoughts or you feel uncomfortable about them enough to want to learn ways to manage this situation you can and should consult with a counselor or clinical psychologist, so this is my disclaimer: this blog piece is about how I deal with these and how is my approach, as you do what you feel is best for yourself.
To those who identify with these behaviours: I understand you. I would never attempt to convince you in one or the other direction. You are so brave to come to me in this situation. My job is to offer a non-judgmental and compassionate perspective, and support you as you navigate this session with me.
Maybe after you will notice that it was not that scary or worrying after all, and that you being to emerge stronger and happier when you have been able to share this journey with someone else. Maybe your pink elephants have become smaller, and will eventually disappear. Perhaps it's a new beginning for you as you try regressing with someone who can hold that space for you, or it's the end of it, as you realize it wasn't very important to you, but rather was more of a thought or a desire that got stuck in your head because you worried about it.
Whatever your mind and body choose, I am there for you as a whole. I am there as a pro who understands AB. I can walk with you through that part of what is sometimes a difficult journey.
You are all brave. You are all worth it.