Who Actually Makes the Decisions During Sessions in My ABDL Nursery?

Okay, so this is one of those questions I get all the time.

"Do I get to decide what happens... or do you?"

And honestly? It depends entirely on who you are, what you need, and what we decide before the session.

Decision-making in my ABDL nursery isn't some rigid thing. For loads of people, it's actually the whole point of coming.

Some adults rock up absolutely exhausted from deciding everything in their normal life. Others know exactly what helps them feel safe and regulated, and they want that respected down to the detail.

Neither way is better. They're just different nervous systems doing their thing.

Let's break it down.

"I Don't Want to Decide Anything Today"

Some people arrive at my adult baby nursery with a degree of decision fatigue.

They've been making choices all day. Managing other people. Being responsible for everything. Thinking ten steps ahead constantly.

By the time they get here, the thought of choosing an activity, a pace, or even what happens next feels completely overwhelming.

For these clients, the relief is in handing it all over.

They just want to show up and be looked after. Full stop.

And yeah, that's absolutely something I can do.

There are sessions where I decide:

• how everything unfolds

• what happens first, what comes next

• when they get changed

• when it's time to rest

• when it's time to play

  
  
  
  

For some people, this is deeply calming, so their brain finally gets to stop managing everything.

But

We still need to talk first.

If I'm going to make decisions for you, they need to be the right decisions.

So before the session, we have a proper chat.

I'll ask about:

• boundaries

• triggers or things to avoid

• any medical or sensory stuff

• things you really enjoy

• things you absolutely don't

• past experiences that matter etc.

  
  

Once I've got that info, I can lead the session safely and confidently.

So when someone says "I don't want to decide anything," what they usually mean is: "I don't want to decide in the moment."

That's completely different from not communicating at all.

The other modality:

"I Know Exactly What I Want"

Then you've got people at the opposite end.

They've thought about this. Like, a lot.

They know what calms them down. They know what matters. They know what's been missing from their life. They might have even made a list much before contacting me.

And they don't want to leave it to chance.

And you know what? That's completely fine.

Actually, it's helpful.

I'm not psychic (even if sometimes it can give this impression to some people ;). If something matters deeply to you and you don't mention it, chances are I'm not going to magically guess it.

Having a wish list doesn't make a session less meaningful. It makes it intentional.

We talk it through. Look at what's doable. Adjust if we need to. Co-create something that works within safety, time, and good care.

For some brains, knowing what's going to happen helps them relax. The structure is the safety and clarity is comforting, and that is all respected.

Two Different Minds, Same Need for Safety

Here's what I see over and over.

Some people want to be gently led and surprised, and others need to know what's coming.

And its all about how their nervous system actually settles.

Some people relax when they don't have to anticipate anything. Others relax when nothing feels unpredictable.

Both are completely valid. Both are welcome here, as my job is to actually listen and adapt.

Making decisions for someone in my adult baby nursery is about care, containment, and trust. And letting someone express their preferences isn't about being demanding. It's about being self-aware, and that is why pre-session information matters to much, so we avoid misunderstandings and expectations are aligned.

So... Who Actually Decides?

Sometimes you do. Sometimes I do. Most of the time, we do it together.

The goal is relief. Relief from managing everything. Relief from guessing. Relief from pretending you don't have needs.

That's what my ABDL nursery is really here for.

If this resonates with you, and you're curious about how decision-making might look for you specifically, you're welcome to get in touch and have a proper exchange with me about it.