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I am going to present you with a very common case. Of course is not everybody's!! But it's something I am finding often and would like to present you with it. It´s about an ABDL person. Let's call him Mike.
Mike strongly identifies as ABDL, loves nappies and cuddles and being cared for. But he can´t find a Mummy as a relationship. And he would only want a partner who is also a Mummy and not any other kind of relationship.
Mike has been in various dating sites, dated some women, but when he plucks out the courage to explain about himself deeply and talks about ABDL, the women either loose interest, or initially they seem to be okay with it, but finally end up leaving. Mike can't find anyone to be his Mummy online, and the women he has been dating won't accept him as an ABDL. With time, Mike is frustrated and irritated about the situation. He believes he will only be happy if he finds a Mummy to care for him, so starts to easily be either sad or bitter about it, thinking happiness is something unachievable to him. In his last dates he has been irritable because he believes they won't work and the woman won't accept them the way he is, so before he even gets the chance to explain, the initial spark is gone.
What is happening here? Mike is believing that a relationship will complete him and make him happy. He feels like something is missing in his life and that he needs to find a Mummy to make the void disappear.
Does it sound familiar?
Perhaps you think that having a relationship is the key for you being happy, but thinking like this will actually have a negative effect in your relationships of any kind. This way of thinking and these beliefs are actually getting on the way of you actually getting a relationship, because if there is something that others can feel about you when you try to find love, is if you are anxious about it, and they won´t feel very good about it. Just think about it. Would you feel good about it if it was the other way round?
Think that you don't only look for a life partner, but you are looking that she will care for your ABDL needs. This reduces your pool a lot. Although some of you have been successful in finding a partner who is happy to also be a care giver, the reality is that the majority of women have not been brought up to aim to care for their partners, but to be either equals or protected by them. Sexually they are not looking to care for a baby, and to many of them, seeing their life partner as a big baby won't be anything that will interest them, and sex drive can go out of the window. There are exceptions to this, but it it what it is.
So what can you do?
Number one and the most important: you learn to find happiness inside yourself, and not make it dependent on the presence and care of others. Happy and fulfilled people are so so much attractive to anyone! You start by looking for those feelings you imagine a relationship is going to give you, INSIDE YOURSELF. All that love, that connection and all that care, you can find it inside. If you feel you can't do this on your own, look for help, get a counselor, a meditation teacher, a psychotherapist, whatever it takes for you to learn to manage yourself and your emotions so you become, yes, a happy person. Happiness is not just something that can happen to you when you achieve your goals, happiness is something you can learn to programme, it's a decision, believe me! It doesn't mean you will be always happy, humans are not meant to have happy all the time! but you will be doing the actions to clear the way out of frustration and unhappiness. When having a life partner there are always many other occasions in which you won't be happy, so having a partner or not having it is never a guarantee of perpetual happiness, I am sure you know this.
It's a beautiful process of self discovery and management, and it will also help you to manage the relationship much better if you later have one. ATTENTION! By no means I want to say that you can simply "choose" to be happy and ignore your feelings of frustration, sadness or anger. But that you can choose to learn to process those feelings, inhabit them as long as it's necessary so that you can move on from them when you are ready. Sadness is necessary, anger is necessary, every feeling will teach you something, but most of us where not tought what to do with those feelings.
Number two, decide how essential is for you that your partner is a carer. Can you open your mind a bit more perhaps and simply decide to meet more people? Perhaps you end up meeting an absolutely wonderful woman who loves you and you feel great with, and even if she won't care for you as a baby... would you care to lose her for that? Would she be open minded enough for you to externalize that part of what you need? Do you really need to meet every need only in one person? Perhaps you can find an understanding woman who will be fine with you having another carer, or you can use the services of a nice professional Mummy who will suit your needs, without having to demand that your partner will do this for you. My very own little is not my partner and its a super happy boy, and he was also supper happy when I met him! There are a lot of ways of having a relationship that works, and I recommend that you explore them.
Learning to understand yourself, and stopping shaming yourself for where you are or what you don´t have,
being more gentle and compassionate with yourself is something that can make you change the way you feel and lead you to self love. That will make you cheerful, authentic and comfortable, and this is precisely what is so attractive to others! So you are who you are, and if you find the Mummy partner, great, and if you don't, you can be happy too! But in the meantime you enjoy your life and enjoy yourself! You can align mentally with the concept of not "needing" the other, and that puts you in the best possible position you can be, because what can bring you masses of happiness is first your own self care and then having a healthy relationship into your life, and maybe this doesn't need that she must compulsory be your Mummy too.
People tend to make complicated this path of loving one's self, but this is just about finding inner peace and acceptance inside. You can create a quiet mind and an open heart for yourself, and feel at ease with yourself, and when you have created this inside you, you are in a much better place to share happiness with others.
This and many other conversations and support in my online support packages that you will find in this site.
And this is all for today. Take care of your sweet selves, and if you are not already doing it, start a self loving practice.
With love,
